Where My Heart Belongs!
by DarkDaughter1318
Summary: Death and Destruction were all around them, but nothing could hurt their love. The Talk between Roza & Dimitri at the end of Frostbite.   ::Frostbite:: Dimitri's POV. One-Shot.


I sat in the gym, staring at the pages of a book, but not really seeing the words. She was on my mind again. I hadn't really seen her much since we'd gotten back from Spokane, and when I did, we didn't speak. We'd lock gazes no more than a second before one of us would look away. Sitting in the gym now, alone, she consumed my mind. All I could picture was her face, the way she looked when I found her in that house. God, the image haunted me. She looked so… so fragile, so alone. She looked the most vulnerable I'd ever seen her since I've known her. The longer I stared at the page, the more out of focus the words became. I heard the door open, and looked up to see her walk in, dressed in work-out clothes. She looked beautiful, just like always, but when I met her eyes, there was a haunted look deep within them. She didn't say anything as she approached me, so I spoke first.

"I thought you might come by." I said, putting my bookmark in between my unread pages.

"Its time for practice." She said. I shook my head at her.

"No. No practice today. You still need to recover." I said. Looking into her eyes now, I could tell she wasn't even close to being recovered. Being Rose though, I knew she wouldn't let me out of it easily.

"I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." She said. I heard her Rose bravado pushed behind every word. I wasn't falling for it though. I knew her too well now.

"Sit down, Rose." I said. She hesitated for a moment, before walking over and sitting down. I moved my own chair right across from hers, wanting to get as close as possible without touching her. I looked deep into her eyes, before I started.

"No one gets over their first kill…kills…easily. Even with Strigoi… well, it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through…." I sighed. It was hard to talk about this with her when she had no real idea about how I felt about her, or how much I truly cared for her. I reached out, and took her hands in mine. The feel of her skin against mine was always enough to sooth me. "When I saw your face…when we found you in that house…you can't imagine how I felt." I finally finished. She swallowed hard before asking.

"How…how did you feel?"

"Devastated… grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked… I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young." I squeezed her hand a little bit. "You will recover-I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy." I explained. My mind flitted back to Zeklos. I pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about my dead best friend now. I had to focus on what was important. What was right here, and now, and that was my Roza. She dropped her gaze to the floor before speaking again.

"Its my fault." She whispered, her voice sounding so small and weak.

"Hmm?" I asked, confused about what she was taking the blame for.

"Mason. Getting killed." I hesitated, not really sure what to say.

"Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions… you should have told others when you knew he was gone… but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him." I told her. When she looked back up to meet my eyes, hers were filling with tears.

"I might as well have. The whole reason he went there-it was my fault. We had a fight… and I told him about the Spokane thing, even though you asked me not too…" She said. A tear finally escaped the corner of her eye. This was the part of the story I hadn't heard.

"You can't blame yourself for that." I told her. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That was what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role." I was a bit disappointed in her that she'd told when I asked her not too, but now wasn't the time to express that. I didn't think I'd ever tell her that, because I know how much losing Mason had hurt her.

"I just wish I'd been able to… I don't know, do anything." I stared into her eyes deeply, wishing I knew what to say to take away her hurt, her pain. I hated seeing her like this. She finally pulled her hands from mine, and stood up.

"I should go," She started, voice thick. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for… talking." She started to turn away, but I wasn't done talking to her yet. There was something I wanted to tell her, but wasn't sure that I should. I knew now that I needed to. I knew it would help her, make her feel just a little bit better to know the real truth, and not hear it from someone else.

"No." I finally said. She glanced back.

"What?" She asked. I held her gaze, and through that, something warm, and amazing, and so very powerful shot between us.

"No," I repeated. "I told her no. Tasha." She stared at me for a second, looking sort of awestruck.

"I…" She started, but snapped her mouth shut. She hesitated for a moment, before opening it again, and speaking. "But…Why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby. And she…she was, you know, into you…" I smiled a little bit. It was hard to hear her say that. I didn't understand. She'd been so against me leaving with Tasha. Had something changed? Maybe she didn't want me anymore. I was confused, and a little worried to be honest.

"Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that…couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…" I stood up, and took a few steps towards her. "Not when my heart is somewhere else." I watched as so many emotions played across her face. She looked like she might start crying again. I wondered if that was a good or a bad thing.

"But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted." She said. She was right. I had, and I regretted it every single time.

"You act young," I started. "Because you _are _young. But you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know. That day…" She knew which one I was talking about automatically. The one up against the wall. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has ever figured that out-and it scared me. _You _scare me." I finished. It was true, she did scare me sometimes.

"Why? Don't you want anyone to know?" She asked me. I shrugged, not entirely sure how to answer this question. I tried my best.

"Whether they known that fact or not doesn't matter. What matters is that someone-that you-know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, its hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend." I finished. It was true. She saw me. She always saw through me. She could call my bluff time and time again if she wanted too and most of the time she did.

"Like Tasha." She stated.

"Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't-" I stopped. I wasn't sure how to finish, but once again, only proving my point about how she knew me so well, she did it for me.

"She doesn't _get _you." She finished. I nodded at her.

"I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you." I explained. I knew that would be impossible. After the lust spell, I would never be able to forget her, and I knew that for an absolute fact.

"But she couldn't." She finally said.

"Yes. And, so…that's a problem." I said.

"Because its wrong for us to be together." She said. I disagreed with this statement. It was right for us to be together in both mine and her eyes, but in the eyes of others, it wasn't the same.

"Yes." I said.

"Because of the age difference." She added.

"Yes." I said. The age didn't bother me. Age was just a number. Something that shouldn't matter.

"But more importantly because we're both going to be Lissa's guardians and need to focus on her-not each other." She said. This was the one I worried about most of all. The princesses protection.

"Yes." I said. She sat there for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face, but then she looked straight into my eyes.

"Well," She said at last, "the way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians _yet._" I sat there for a second, knowing she was right. However, that being said, it would be even harder for us not to focus on each other if we didn't start trying now. My head was screaming no. My heart was screaming yes. With that, I cupped her face in my hands, and I kissed her. I swear time stopped. At first, I barely brushed my lips against hers, just barely being a kiss, but very soon it became deep and full of raw passion. When I finally forced myself to pry my mouth from hers, I pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting my lips linger on her skin for a few seconds longer than I should have. I wrapped my arms around her, and held her close to me, the way I wanted her to always be. I wished the kiss could have went on forever. I wanted her to stay right here in my arms forever, but I knew I couldn't have things my way. I broke the embrace, but ran my fingers through her hair, loving the way it felt like silk on my hands. Finally, I forced myself to step back towards the door.

"I'll see you later, Roza." I forced.

"At our next practice?" She asked, eagerly. "We _are _starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me." Standing in the door way, I looked over my shoulder at her, and grinned a bit.

"Yes. Lots of things." I said, before walking out. I wondered if she'd heard the double meaning behind my words that I had. Regardless of that, I walked off, and back to my dorm with a smile on my face.


End file.
